


Heart to Hearts Aren't Common

by MalecAcid



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Angst, Because when is anything I write not?????, Ben Hargreeves Needs A Hug, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, No Incest, ONCE AGAIN THIS IS REALLY SAD IM SORRY, POV Ben Hargreeves, Protective Klaus Hargreeves, This is really sad guys, like really really sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-09
Updated: 2020-07-09
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:34:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25163206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MalecAcid/pseuds/MalecAcid
Summary: Ben shifted in his place against the wall uncomfortably. "I'm not good at this."~^~Ben struggles without Klaus, but is learning to talk about it.
Relationships: Ben Hargreeves & Klaus Hargreeves
Comments: 20
Kudos: 186





	Heart to Hearts Aren't Common

**Author's Note:**

> HI SO THIS IS REALLY SAD I'M SORRY IF YOU CRY I DID TOO 
> 
> Also this isn't proofread atm, might go back and fix it later 😔😔
> 
> Also there is a good amount of gore/body horror in this (sorry Ben)

Klaus was Ben's tether. 

That's not what most people thought, when it came to Ben and Klaus, Klaus and Ben, but that's how it was. Ben didn't know if Klaus had even realized it. 

The way most people saw it, Ben was Klaus' tether. Keeping him grounded, keeping him safe, keeping him connected to the world. But in reality, things were the other way around. 

Klaus kept him grounded. Kept him connected to the world. Without him… 

Without him, Ben would be lost. He would roam the earth, scared, desperate. Screaming at anyone who could possibly hear, just like any other ghost. 

He never thought that he would have to think about that. Sure, he had thought about Klaus' death before, though he normally erased all thoughts of it from his mind, sometimes he allowed himself to think about it. To think about what would happen. 

When Ben died, there was no extravagant afterlife. No heaven or hell, no 'eternal peace.' He didn't meet the preteen girl of Klaus' description, didn't see a hand reaching out to lead him out of darkness, didn't see a bright light. 

Ben's death was quick. It was gruesome, having your body being torn apart by something that was a part of it wasn't pretty, but it was quick. A finality to it that Ben had never experienced before. His heart was beating and he was breathing one second, and then the next second came and he wasn't. 

He was a ghost. A being unable to interact with the world as they once could. A being that could interact with no one. Except for Klaus, of course. 

Due to this, Ben had always thought that the same thing would happen to Klaus when he died. He would become a ghost, and him and Ben would find a new sibling to haunt. Ben never let himself think any further on the subject of Klaus' death than that. 

The thing is, though, Ben never thought that he would have to think about what would happen if Klaus disappeared. 

The incident with Hazel and ChaCha was… a ride, to say the least. Watching your brother get tortured for hours while not being able to do anything to help would never be described by Ben as fun. Pouring his heart and soul out while Klaus was locked in a closet screaming for help wasn't really a party either. 

Freaking out Hazel and ChaCha with the ghosts, though? One of the funniest things Ben has ever witnessed in his entire afterlife. Or, it was until Ben realized that while he was alive Klaus must have been haunted by the people Ben had killed. It wasn't as funny after that realization. 

The event after Klaus escaped from the motel though, that was definitely the worst experience of Ben's life and afterlife. 

Klaus had escaped through the vent after the detective had cut him free. Ben turned his head, pretending not to hear the gunshot as he turned the corner to run outside of the building to wait for Klaus. He never liked phasing through things anyways. 

When Klaus had stumbled through the front door of the hotel, shaking, Ben immediately noticed the large briefcase clutched in his hands and eyed it hesitantly with a confused glace thrown to Klaus. But when he went to open it, setting it on the ground, bending over it and moving his hands to the latches, Ben quickly shook his head. 

"Let's get to the academy first." He said before Klaus could flick the latches up. Klaus stood back up, but didn't pick the briefcase up from the floor, looking at Ben incredulously. 

"Or at least the bus." He said, wrapping his arms around himself as he looked around the area, shifting from foot to foot uncomfortably. 

Klaus' eyes softened and he nodded, grabbing the briefcase and beginning to walk quickly towards the bus stop, Ben trailing behind him as he watched the area. 

When they eventually made it onto the bus, both of them sighed in relief, and Ben watched as Klaus eyed the briefcase sitting beside him with curiosity, and Ben shrugged as Klaus looked at him. 

"You should open that. Maybe there is money in it and you can get some food." Ben eyed his outfit jokingly. "And maybe some new clothes." 

Klaus snorted, ignoring the eyes of the other people on the bus as he dragged the briefcase onto his lap. 

"Please be money, please be money." Klaus mumbled under his breath as he pressed his hands to the latches. Ben rolled his eyes, but couldn't hide the small smile on his face that disappeared seconds later. 

Klaus flipped the latches up, and Ben watched in confusion as a blinding blue light flashed where Klaus was, and Ben covered his eyes.

"What the hell, Klaus, what was-" He was immediately cut off when he took his hands from his eyes and saw that the person he was talking to wasn't there anymore. 

Ben stood quickly from his seat on the bus, looking around wildly. 

"Klaus…?" He called out hesitantly, though he knew that he would get no response. 

It was weird. It was almost like he couldn't feel Klaus anymore. 

There had always been a sensation, a pull to Klaus. Ben assumed that all ghosts had it, it was what made them surround him, circle in on him. It also made it easier to find Klaus after Ben would leave to check on their siblings, not that he did it often. 

But at that moment, it was almost like it disappeared. Like Klaus disappeared. Or like he was never there in the first place. 

Ben spun around a few more times on the bus, checking everywhere he could see before waiting for it to stop and getting off of it, walking to the nearest alleyway and sitting against the wall. 

He could feel his senses slowly start to dim. The world was becoming blurry, the building he was leaning against felt like it disappeared, he couldn't feel it anymore. 

He'd lost his tether. 

He attempted to look at his surroundings, but when he turned his head, his vision only blurred even more. 

His hearing, touch, and sight were the only senses he regained after he died. He couldn't smell anymore, and he couldn't eat, couldn't taste. 

He stood up from his place against the wall, covering his ears as the voices of people walking by blurred and mixed together, eventually becoming a high pitched ringing sound. 

When the ringing sound eventually ended what felt like centuries later, Ben removed his hands from his ears, and took a stumbling step forward that he couldn't hear. He looked oddly at his feet and took another stomping step, but that one was just as silent as the first. 

He turned to the wall that he had been leaning against only moments before and attempted to punch it, to get a sound, but his hand only phased through. 

He yanked his hand out of the wall and stared at it before noticing something. Something that made his stomach, or lack thereof, churn. 

When he dropped his hand to his side, his vision seemed to clear for a moment as he looked down at himself. 

He gasped at the sight of his torso, a gaping hole gushing with blood where a stomach was supposed to be. Ben looked to his arms and legs, deep gashes filled with blood scattered all over them. He blinked several times, attempting to make the image go away, but it didn't. He was stuck. Stuck in the body he died in. 

He didn't feel the pain that he felt when he died, though. His body felt numb. 

He couldn't feel anything. He couldn't see, couldn't hear. He felt nothing but fear, fear and desperation. Desperation to be normal, to be like he was before. To be alive. 

Without Klaus, without his tether, Ben was lost. Lost and desperate and scared, so scared. Scared that he was finally lost to the world, destined only to live an afterlife full of misery and loneliness. 

He wandered the streets, phasing through people and buildings without a thought, consumed by fear and numbness. 

The numb feeling was the scariest part, Ben decided later on. The fear, the desperation, the misery, was all terrible, yes. The numb feeling, though, meant that not only was he lost to the world, he was also lost to himself. 

He found himself drifting as he walked around unseeing, no hearing or feeling. It was almost as if he was drifting in and out of consciousness, closing his eyes one second and then opening them again miles away where he was before. 

He wished that he could say he remembered everything from those ten hours that he drifted, wished that he could know what he did, know what happened to him. All he could remember, later on, was bits and pieces. The fear he had felt that night, though, that was never forgotten. 

Sometime later, Bens wandering had stopped. His senses slowly coming back, his body slowly morphing into what it was before. He could hear the people talking on the streets, he could feel the ground beneath his feet, and slowly, his vision cleared. The desperation vanished, though the fear that came from that day never quite did. 

As he slowly started to come back, he began to feel the pull, the one that had snapped away, Klaus along with it. Ben straightened up from where he was slumped against a wall, following the direction the sensation lightly pulled him towards. 

When he arrived at a bus stop, he watched as the bus that Klaus had disappeared from ten hours before pulled up. 

He pulled his hood up as he watched Klaus stumble from the bus steps, a lost look on his face. Quickly, tears began to trail down his face and he spun around quickly, slamming the briefcase into the concrete at his feet while Ben watched silently, too caught up in what had just happened both to him and Klaus to attempt to comfort his brother. 

Over the next few days, he slowly learned more and more about that journey that Klaus had taken. The journey that had lasted far longer than ten hours. He learned about Klaus' experience in the war, learned why he didn't come back, learned about Dave. He learned Klaus' story of that night. 

Klaus had never learned his. 

~^~

After that whole… incident, Ben never thought that he would have to think, or deal with something like that ever again. Never thought that he would have to be that desperate or lost ever again. It's not like Klaus would have picked up another briefcase after everything. So Ben didn't think he would ever have to think about that moment again, didn't want to think about that moment again. Apparently, the world had different plans for him. 

The thing that happened at the rave was awful, was terrible, was so so scary, and Ben could blame no one but himself. It wasn't as bad as the night the few days before, but the guilt and change of thought afterwards was crushing, pushing down on him until he could no longer breathe the air that he didn't need. 

He had convinced Klaus to go after Luther, had continued convincing him to keep going after the many attempts to give up, but it did nothing in the end except for getting Klaus killed. 

It almost felt as if the world had slowed down when it had happened. Klaus jumped on the back of the person at the rave, but was quickly thrown to the ground, his head smashing to the ground before his body slumped, people beginning to surround him. The second it happened, Ben felt the pull snap, just as it had done only days before. 

He shook his head wildly as he stumbled forward, flinching as he phased through the bodies surrounding an unmoving Klaus. 

"No. No no no." He mumbled quickly under his breath, coming up to the body on the floor that a sensation was no longer pulling him to. How could Klaus be taken out, killed, like this? Someone who had survived Reginalds training, missions, living in the streets for years and years, all of the sudden taken out by an angry person in the ugliest outfit Ben had ever seen? 

"No…" He looked down at Klaus' body once more, sure that he was dead, before whipping his head around to survey the room, to see if there was one more ghost added to the world. 

Before he could look further than the club he was in, his vision grew hazy, just as it had those few days before. The pounding music began to grow quieter and quieter until it was nothing but a low hum as he blinked repeatedly in an attempt to clear his vision. 

Before he could look down to see if his body had turned into the same mess it was when he died, his vision started to slowly return, the music going from a hum back to pounding. Then, the pull started again, and he could have cried with relief as he watched Klaus shoot up from his spot on the floor. 

The walk back to the academy was silent, Ben watching Klaus as his arms curled around himself while he walked, a confused look in his eyes that Ben didn't ask about.

Ben was scared, he was so scared as he became lost in his thoughts. 

He was wrong, he was wrong about the idea of Klaus becoming a ghost when he died. He would move on to the afterlife, just as he did for those few moments today, and Ben would be stuck, stuck here to rot with the other ghosts, a lost soul, nothing without his tether to the mortal world. 

Maybe that was the scariest thought of all, knowing that he relied on one person so much, knowing that the fate of one person would directly result in changing his fate. 

Other than that horrible realization, Ben had basically just killed his brother. 

For the past three hours, he had told Klaus to go after Luther, to find him. He had told Klaus to help Luther, had basically told Klaus to attack that guy, and Klaus had died. He had died and it was Ben's fault. 

Between the silent walk back and the impending apocalypse, it wasn't like they had the chance to talk about what had happened from Ben's perspective. Ben didn't want to talk about it from his perspective, he wanted to forget everything about that night. He wanted to forget about everything from the past week. Wanted to forget that he was dead. 

When they had arrived at the academy, Klaus went immediately to his room, and Ben followed, watching as he collapsed on the bed, but didn't close his eyes as he laid face down, head shoved into the pillow at the head of his bed. 

Ben sat on the floor across the small room, leaving his back against the wall and reveling in the fact that he could feel it, the solid wall against his back, rather than a hazy feeling of nothingness. 

He closed his eyes for a few seconds before leaning forward, resting his chin on his hand as he looked at Klaus. 

"What happened?" He asked quietly, and Klaus didn't say anything for a few moments, unmoving from his spot on the bed. Ben thought that he had fallen asleep, and he sighed, but before he could stand, Klaus spoke up. 

"I died." He said simply, and Ben leaned back against the wall as Klaus sat up, turning to face him and rubbing at his eyes. He nodded his head at Klaus, hoping he would continue. 

"Met god. She's a preteen girl by the way, if you haven't met her yet." Ben tilted his head to the side In confusion at that, but Klaus continued on without acknowledging it. "She sent me to this barber shop down a path." He sighed, before sitting up straight, a sarcastic grin on his face. "You'll never guess who I met there." 

Ben shook his head, glancing quickly at the dog tags around Klaus' neck before glancing back up to meet his eyes.

"Old Reggie." Ben straightened up from his spot against the wall in surprise. "Yep. Father dearest." He laughed without humor. "He had a fair amount to say. Started out with me being a disappointment and all that but he did mention his death." He sighed. "Killed himself apparently, bringing us all together to stop the apocalypse." 

Ben stared at him for a moment in disbelief, before slumping back against the wall. He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose before turning back to Klaus. 

"That actually sounds like something he would do." Ben sighed hitting his head lightly against the wall behind him. 

"It does, doesn't it." Klaus sighed in return, moving from his seated position to lie back on the bed, face shoved into his pillow. 

Ben went to stand, moving to the door to let Klaus sleep, but before he could walk through the doorway, he paused suddenly, and turned quickly to look back at Klaus. 

"How did he know about-" 

"The apocalypse?" Klaus quickly cut off, and Ben glared, but didn't say anything. "I don't know." He said quietly. "That was all that he said." 

Ben nodded, and trailed out of the room, hoping to find something to do during another boring night. Something other than drowning in his thoughts. 

~^~

Heartfelt conversations had never been a thing in their dysfunctional family. Even though they had recently become a new addition, that didn't mean that they had happened often. 

But ever since they had stopped the apocalypse, had gotten the commission off of their backs, and were finally back in 2019, they were making an effort to be better. To be better for themselves and for each other. 

Apparently, that meant family meetings once a week, living at the academy until everything was for sure fixed, and recently, heart to hearts. 

It's not that Ben was against being open with his family, it's just that it was hard after being closed off for so many years. 

And he was still dead, so there was that too. 

Even though there was the barrier between him and the world, it was slowly weakening with the help of Klaus. He was beginning to be able to keep Ben corporeal for longer periods of time. Ben could finally interact with his family again after thirteen long years. 

He just didn't realize that that would involve so much… openness. 

For the last thirteen years, the only person that Ben had interacted with was Klaus, and he wouldn't say that he was necessarily open. 

Klaus knew more about him than anyone, but again, Ben was never the most open person to begin with, so when Klaus confronted him two weeks after they had made it back into 2019, what was he supposed to do other than panic?

"What's going on." Klaus said, turning towards Ben as he was made not corporeal, the door to the room shutting behind him. 

Ben tilted his head in confusion at the words, and Klaus just sighed, crossing his arms. 

"You've been… distant." Ben looked at him incredulously. "More distant than usual" 

"I'm dead." He crossed his arms tightly over his chest, shifting from foot to foot uncomfortably. 

Klaus huffed. "Really? I didn't realize." He went to sit on the bed, Ben leaning on the wall across from it. 

"Something is off." He hesitated. "You've just been acting weird, these past few weeks." 

"These past few weeks have been weird." He said, deflecting, and Klaus stood, taking a step forward as he groaned. 

"Benny. You know what I mean. Did something happen?" He asked. "Did I do something wrong?" Ben shook his head quickly at his words, and Klaus sighed.

"What is it then?" Ben shook his head. "Come on, why can't you just tell me?" 

"It's over, it's not a big deal, can't you just let it go?" Ben mumbled quickly, crossing his arms even tighter and Klaus shook his head in return. 

"If it was over, you wouldn't be acting weird." He said quietly, tilting his head to the floor, and Ben sighed. 

Klaus suddenly stood up straighter, and turned to face Ben quickly. "Is it about what happened during the time travel? Did something happen during that?" Ben shook his head, and Klaus bit his lip, thinking. 

"Is it everyone else? Did something happen with them?" Ben shook his head, and Klaus groaned loudly, taking a few steps back and collapsing on the bed behind him. "You know I'm terrible at guessing." A small smile appeared on Ben's face. "Just tell me so we can get this over with and you can go back to normal. You know I hate heart to hearts just as much as you do." The smile dropped from Ben's face, and he sighed. 

"It's… hard." Ben started, struggling to get the words to leave his lips. Klaus nodded for him to continue. "When you're not here." 

"I'm always here though?" Klaus tilted his head in confusion as Ben shook his head. 

"It was when-" 

He was cut off by his thoughts, slamming into his mind quickly. He remembered looking down and seeing his torso ripped apart, he remembered the way his vision faded in and out of focus, the way he couldn't hear. He remembered the fear, the way he felt lost. But what he remembered most of all was Klaus' face as he stumbled down the bus steps. He remembered the tears tracking down his cheeks as he spoke about Dave, clutching his dog tags tightly. He remembered the way he would slam his hands over any loud noise, the way he couldn't quite relax anymore. He remembered the way that Klaus had looked for days afterwards, lost. He looked just as lost as Ben had felt those two nights, if not more so. 

Klaus had died. He died, and it was Ben's fault, and he was the one complaining, the one that had somehow convinced Klaus that he needed to be confronted.

He shook his head harshly, startling Klaus after the moments of silence in the room. 

"It's not important, really. I'll stop acting weird." He uncrossed his arms, certain that he had finally gotten Klaus off of his back. 

"No." Klaus said, shaking his head. "You can't just…" He sighed. "You can't just not say anything, you can't not talk to me." Ben opened his mouth to argue, but Klaus cut him off before he got the chance. "You can't put me before you." Ben's mouth snapped shut. "Even if it seems stupid." 

"Anyways." Klaus clapped his hands together from his spot on the bed. "Tell me why you're acting off." 

Ben shifted in his place against the wall uncomfortably. "I'm not good at this." 

Klaus rolled his eyes. "None of us are. I could get Vanya in here, have her start our sob sesh with some sad violin music…?" 

"No!" Ben said quickly, and Klaus snorted before gesturing for him to talk. 

"I'm… scared." He said quietly, and Klaus' face softened. "When you left." He glanced quickly to his dog tags, which were grabbed in response. "You were gone for ten hours. And I know you were gone a lot longer than that, but from my perspective, it was ten hours." He sighed. 

"I never asked you what happened." Klaus mumbled under his breath, nodding at Ben to continue. 

"When you're gone, I'm like the other ghosts." He whispered tearfully. "I can't see, I can't here. I can't feel anything but fear and I was lost. I looked like…" He paused, steeling himself. "I looked like how I did when I died. My stomach was ripped out, and there was a lot of blood."

Klaus stood from his spot on the bed once again, taking a small step closer to Ben. 

"It was like as soon as you disappeared… I wasn't connected anymore. I wasn't a part of the world." A tear fell down his cheek that he scrubbed away angrily. 

"Fuck, I'm sorry. You were in Vietnam for ten months and I'm-" He was cut off by Klaus surging forward quickly, wrapping him in a tight hug. He hadn't even realized he was corporeal. 

"Shut up." Klaus said, his voice not harsh as Ben hugged him back. "Shut up. You should've told me." 

He pulled back slightly, a rare serious look on his face as he directed it at Ben. 

"What about the rave?" Ben tensed slightly, and Klaus squeezed his arm lightly. "What happened then?" 

"The same thing, but only for a few minutes." He sighed. "I am… I am sorry, about that night." 

"Why?" He asked, squeezing his arm tighter. 

"It was my fault." He said, quieter than before, unwilling to move his arms to wipe away the tear that came. "I never should've told you to go after the guy." 

Klaus leaned back further to give Ben a look of disbelief. "That wasn't your fault at all." Ben shook his head, but Klaus ultimately decided not to push the subject anymore. "What else is it?" Ben gave him a confused look. "I can tell there's something else." 

"When you die, it's going to be the same." Klaus shook his head quickly, but Ben continued anyways. "You are going to die, and the preteen girl upstairs is going to decide that she likes you that time and I'm just going to be stuck here, stuck and lost. I'm scared." 

Klaus pulled him in for another hug quickly, wrapping his arms tightly around him. 

"That's not going to happen." He said, hugging Ben even tighter after he shook his head. "It's not." He pulled away from the hug slightly after a moment to look Ben in the eyes. 

"When I die she's going to throw me back down here and we're going to be ghost buddies okay? We're going to haunt other people's houses and freak them out and their faces are going to be priceless. Alright?" 

What could Ben do to that but nod? He laughed, and pulled Klaus forward to hug him again. 

There was still doubt. There was still fear. There was still guilt. But even through all this, Ben knew that he had at least one person to have awkward heart to hearts about it with, and probably five more. 

**Author's Note:**

> Did you cry? I bet you cried.


End file.
